


The color grey (Phan)

by Misha_with_wings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Depression, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy, Holding Hands, Hope, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Quick Read, Sadness, Short, bad day, can be read as platonic or in a relationship, caring!Phil, hand holding, non descriptive depressive episode, slight banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:26:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misha_with_wings/pseuds/Misha_with_wings
Summary: The color grey wasn't a forever thing, it sucked while it was there but eventually sunshine yellow and pops of sky blue would come along and help push it away.Or, Dan was sad and grey but Phil shared his color.





	The color grey (Phan)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a little thing I wrote to sooth my overactive mind. I don't know if it's any good or not but I think it's still worth posting!

Sometimes Dan felt cold and empty, he didn't know how to explain it. He couldn't feel anything except the slight numbness of his body and his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he laid with his eyes closed- that simple thing reminded him that he was real. 

On days like this it was hard to even see color, everything seemed to take on dark shades of grey and black.

It was hard to move, he felt sluggish and he hated himself for that. He both mentally and physically could not move, he couldn't be productive or help out with anything because his mind was drowning him and nailing him down. 

Phil always assured him that it was okay, that the bad day would pass. Phil was always there, making the dark black he had painted his world fade to a softer grey. Phil would slowly pull him back into a world of vibrant hues, it just took time and it took effort from Dan, it was never easy. 

When Dan was left alone he could feel the rough weight on his chest and the burning in his lungs, just living was a chore. He laid on monochrome sheets and stared at the blank ceiling, it represented him. 

The thing was is he wasn't even thinking. Nothing brought this upon him, it just kind of happened- he woke up with this deep throbbing ache in his heart and his mind felt empty and he just couldn't tackle the day. So he didn't, he stayed cold, feeling the tips of his fingers go numb as he lost feeling in his body to unconsciousness. 

When he woke up he didn't feel any lighter, the world was still painted in black and grey and he couldn't think. 

His mind flowed with empty swirls of translucent thoughts, like he knew words were there- begging to be mentally read, but he couldn't actually comprehend any of it. 

There was no reasoning to any of it. All of this was just part of him, he knew it didn't own him but he still let today go by slowly and be wasted. 

Tomorrow would be better. 

Phil always left him alone, Dan was appreciative for that. Sometimes- very rarely- he'd want company and Phil would just come in and lay next to him. They wouldn't talk and Phil wouldn't touch him, but just his presence could make Dan feel more alive, because someone was there, someone cared for him. It meant the world to him and he held onto those thoughts that snuck through, Phil cared, someone cared, he wasn't alone and he never would be. 

Right now he needed that reassurance, but he couldn't move to grab his phone and he didn't have the mental energy to yell for Phil. 

Almost like a blue sky overcoming dark rain clouds, there was a light knock on Dan's bedroom door. Phil walked in and shut the door behind him as softly as he could.

"Do you need anything?" He asks, he always knew the answer. Dan never wanted anything, even if he needed it- still he asked, because he cared. 

Dan didn't reply but he let his eyes flicker to Phil, looking away from the ceiling for the first time that day. 

The color grey was instantly met with a pastel-like shade of sunshine yellow. It was like a sign of life, a sign that he was going to be okay and that this too shall pass. He just had to ride the wave and keep his head above water. 

"Stay?" Dan requests softly, his voice a mere whisper. It echoed in the silence of his hollow-feeling body. 

Phil gives him a warm smile, "Scoot over." 

Dan manages to actually use his limbs for the first time that day and he scuffles over to the left side of the bed. 

Phil lays down beside him and they both just stare up at the ceiling. They only talked if Dan started the conversation, Phil didn't ever want to overwhelm him. 

Dan felt like he could finally breathe, he still felt empty but progress was happening. He kept telling himself that he wasn't alone, Phil was here, Phil was his friend. He had people that cared about him, not everyone hated him. He just had to keep repeating that. 

Dan moved his hand over an inch, he was instantly met with warm skin. A soft sigh escaped his lips.

He gently ran his fingers across Phil's palm, reminding himself that there was another person here fighting for him, once again he wasn't alone. 

The grey got softer and the swirls of pastel yellow got brighter, painting the canvas of his mind that was far from finished. 

He held Phil's hand for comfort and Phil didn't even flinch, letting Dan do what he needed to feel better. He even gripped Dan's hand back, letting him know silently that he wasn't going anywhere. 

As the day progressed colors slowly came back, yet another bad day had been trampled and Dan was extremely proud of himself. 

He took control of his thoughts and let everything wash through him and course through his veins, he faced the color grey with a Im-not-backing-down attitude and he was winning. 

Dan let a soft sigh escape his lips, "Thanks for being here."

"Always." Phil replies and it added more color to Dan's world, it made him feel better. 

Phil's color palate was sunshine yellow and dark sapphire, his voice was like swirls of golden amber and his presence added dots of sky blue and lilac. Phil's hues were by far the brightest and most beautiful, each shade seemed almost unique to just him. 

Dan embraced Phil's color before facing his own, his were much harder to deal with and harder to see. He had to dig through the endless abyss of black before reaching more vibrant shades. 

He started by seeing silver, it shimmered and made him feel calmer. Each color was representing a different emotion and feeling, as he re-grounded himself and came back to his senses he substituted these things for colors. It was much easier to handle. 

His black-and-white personality was taken over by pops of scarlet red, maroon almost. He could breathe normally now. 

He felt the color turquoise seep into his bloodstream from Phil's hand, it traveled through him and made him seem calmer and more collected. 

Soft swirls of pastel pink made him smile. This was happy, he remembered happy. This feeling was euphoric and amazing and it drowned out the black, he could feel his heart beating steadily. 

He was able to feel again, instead of being empty and grey he was full of color, full of life. 

He rolled over onto his side.

Phil looked at him, "Something wrong?" He asks hesitantly. 

Dan gives him a soft smile, that was a good sign signaling that he was feeling a bit better, "No."

Phil squeezed Dan's hand tighter for a second, "Good, that's good."

Dan let go of Phil's hand before burying his face in Phil's shoulder. He breathed in the scent of vanilla and a hint of something crisp like winter snow. 

He sighs, "Make me get up." He tells Phil, knowing damn well he'd lay here and procrastinate for the rest of the day. He just needed a little shove in the right direction. 

Phil emits a breathy laugh making bright happy shades of spring green fill Dan's lungs. 

"Okay." Phil replies, a fond tone in his voice. He gets up and reaches out for Dan, "Get up Howell." He says in a teasing tone. 

Dan rolls his eyes but his giant grin canceled out the attitude. 

"C'mon, you've got to show the world that beautiful face of yours. The night is young, now lets grab ahold of the day and take a nice long walk..." Phil says, Dan looks up at him with the most weirded-out and confused expression before Phil finishes his sentence, "...to the fridge- because I'm hungry!"

Dan laughs the fondest laugh, "God, you're a dork."

"You love it." Phil giggles as he pulls on Dan's arm.

Dan lets himself be pulled up and out of bed, he stands up and a neon purple flows through his joints. 

Phil's grip on his arm was making him feel bright and his smile was contagious. 

"Okay okay, lets go make food."

"You're gonna help me cook, I refuse to let you procrastinate." Phil says making Dan scoff. 

"You are pure evil Phil Lester, it isn't even procrastinating in that case." Dan defends himself. 

"Oh yeah?" Phil asks, cocking an eyebrow, "Then what is it, Daniel?" His voice was playful yet taunting and Dan wanted to smack him with a pillow or kiss him, he wasn't sure which yet. 

"It's supervising." Dan says and he was instantly met with a playful punch to the shoulder, he was overcome by bright orange bubbles of laughter. 

"You're lucky you are so important to me." Phil sighs happily. 

Just that sentence made Dan feel the grey dissipate, he was important. He felt loved and cared for. "Thank you."

Phil gave him a soft, knowing smile, "Don't thank me, it's true. You are important." Dan liked being reminded of that since he so often forgets. 

The color grey wasn't a forever thing, it sucked while it was there but eventually sunshine yellow and pops of sky blue would come along and help push it away. 

Dan knew the grey would undoubtedly come back, but he also knew that the color would too- and that's all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully it was okay, I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Leave me some feedback in the comments of you'd like to!
> 
> Check out my other fics, I promise they are better than this.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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